I may be sticking my foot in my mouth on this one, but luckily I bathe my feet in mild sauce twice a day just in case something like this comes up. As all you may have noticed, I'm pretty private about my personal life when blogging, writing notes, my daily motivational texts, or just venting. I may refer to something in the 3rd or anonymous person, or just go right into advice. Either way I'm sure you all have figured out the things I write about are results of my experiences.
So I decided for this one, I'm going str8 in. There are people out there who know exactly who, when, where and what I'm referring to. What they don't know yet is why...why I'm even goin in.
I'm a person to go hard for mine. If I say I love you, you won't have to worry bout hearing it, cuz I show it. I'm hesitant to start relationships, but when younger wasn't really into random dating. We either just fucking, or serious as hell, no in between.
I've been single for approximately 3 months, nevertheless still involving myself w/my one of my exes (Note @ my friends: I have 6 people total who I consider REAL exes.It may not be who YOU think it is) I was still in love, and still really hadn't left my comfort zone w/him. Now sure, I finally was starting to date around, but it was what it was. For a split second now and then I found myself reconsidering planning a future w/this man.
Now b4 I go in, lemme put on record that my ex-boyfriend is one of the most intelligent, talented, funniest, coolest, sexiest Black men I've ever met. He played a huge role in where I am right now and I would be a troll to not honor him for who he is and what he's done for me.
But that doesn't excuse his behavior.
While dating me he was involved w/another woman. At first I kinda guessed it, then knew it, then found out therefore knew for sure, basically accepted it, moved on, then started sensing it again. I don't take my intuition to court as evidence, but in life, when it's strong, I'm usually right.
Apparently they have been deeply involved for a very long time; before, during, and after our run. Of course I was mad, and even went through the leaving him and coming back runaround. Eventually it got to the point where we were like fuck it. We'll see each other whenever, and have a good, solid 24 hours of great times. Then we may never hear from each other for a few days.I was cool with the system, when I really got over him as a serious boyfriend, it was nice to see him every once in a
while and still have my life. I don't regret my relationship w/him. I still love him. But my dedication to making a future held me down in many ways.
So one weekend we go out to a bar. the bar sucked but the time itself was really nice. Him and I dipped from the bar, hit a bench in the park, and just made each other laugh. It happened to be freezing that night, and near the lake is NO JOKE!! But what I also remember is that was the best time I had in a while. That week sucked! My money wasn't right, I was trying to get a job back, shit was just hitting the fan! So even though the bar sucked, our moment was really all I needed...
...until 2 days later.
I decided to surprise him so i stopped by his crib. He told me he would be outta town for a day or 2 so I figured he'd just gotten back, if he was. Rang the doorbell, no answer. As I walk away, out runs his lady friend.
Oh boy.
She informs me he's upstairs and just doesn't want to come down.
OH BOY.
I tell her I don't know why, I just wanted to smoke and say hey. I was on my way home anyway (at that time we happened to live near each other). She goes in head first about why she dunno why he's hiding, we all know what it is. I told her I had no idea they were STILL messing around, simply cuz him and I were at the point of friends and I wouldn't have cared either way. And I'm the type of
female who can really take that information calmly.
Her whole expression drops. She tried playin it off but after me damn near breaking his doorbell he finally comes down and her attention goes str8 to him. First thing I noticed was how angry she was that he was still chillin w/me. I didn't understand why. You know why I didn't understand why?
1.SHE'S MARRIED. Fuck all that bout to get divorced shit. LEGALLY SPEAKING your spouse can get you for everything you got if there's proof of infidelity at the time of divorce.
2.SHE'S A MOTHER. She already has 2 reasons to not be scandalous, and that's not including the husband. Children are the most absorbent creations since sponges. They learn sooooo much faster from observation than the traditional "Do as I say not as I do" approach.
And w/both of those facts, I feel this way: If you ALREADY doing bad, how you gon get mad at someone else doing the same?
I'll tell you how! When you're in love, none of that matters.
Oh don't get me wrong, family and reputation do take a strong position in what matters. But once you make the decision to do even a little wrong, expect wrong!
Lemme continue, so she's getting mad at him, all the while he's denying even TALKING to me w/in the past 3 months. Oh yea. He went there. Even told me get off his property. So you know I was goin ham. But INSIDE, I had already figured it out.
There I was, standing in the middle of love.
And didn't even know it! Lol I'm thinking his biggest focus was trying to get me back, like he had been saying lol. When all
along they planning divorces and futures together. I aint even know they were still talking!!!
Lol so yea, I was caught off guard, but it taught me a very important lesson very early in life. You can give people 2nd chances, even 3rd and 4th. But if you see the same result pattern of these chances given, well, chances are they not bout to really change for you. I repeat, CHANGE FOR YOU.
He was making changes with and for her, simply cuz he had no choice. She was married, she had something to go back to, something worth saving. He had to really show her he was worth making that move.
But with me, he really didn't have to do much. Oh it seemed like much, but it was really what he had been doing all along. Lying a little, apologizing alot, but making me feel sooooo damn good the whole way.
SO what ultimately happened? Lol that comes in part 2...
But as for him and I, we haven't spoken since. I thought it was time for us to separate permanently anyway. Enough damage had been done plus he had enough on his plate as it is. I was just getting started on my meal, and I wanted a fresh, new entree. Feel me?
I wrote this to send everyone a message. The crazy shit you THINK you goin through happens to everyone. But people, if you gon do dirty, keep it clean. I pray for both him and her, and if they are now together and happy that's the best thing.
But finding your ultimate happiness at the expense of others is WRONG. There was a husband, children, and a young woman (me) who had to be/are going to be victims, if even for a little while, cuz an extra nut needed to get busted...
Like I said before, there is a part two. And because she was a pretty scandalous person, it's a pretty scandalous conclusion.
Hopefully you'll stay tuned to find out.
Peace
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