My Life, The Saga (part 3? WTF??)

Note: I wrote the following note as a disclaimer for the drama unnecessarily started (on Facebook, lmao I know right?) as a result of my blogs entitled "My Life, The Saga." For all of you who have read it, furthermore for those of you who actually care (why I dunno it's just a story, really), my intention was to tell a story. So that's what it is. If you care to identify yourself as the person in the story, do so. But know that no, the whole story is not included in my story cuz I don't want it to be. Thank you.

YEA...so
Lemme start by thanking everyone for reading my notes. I know I have a sharp tongue. But I say things knowing the responsibilities. Anyone I KNOW I offended I personally apologized to already, due to the fact I would rather not use identities to apologize here.
I appreciate anyone who reads my work. You are using your time to read my bullshit. That means alot.
NOW, the binizz,
To ALL MY FRIENDS. Please stop commenting IN DEFENSE of the note, or any comments to you because of it. I want you NOT involved w/my issues. I wrote this note as a story, a saga. Some things were true, some weren't. IT'S MY STORY AND I'LL LIE IF I WANT TO, LIE IF I WANT TO, LIE IF I WANT TO...
Which is why I did not want anyone taking it, or RESPONDING to it, personally. The reason I decided to tell a part of my past is because it's just that...the past. I've met endless women who are in similar positions and were relieved to know they weren't alone. I don't write to offend, or to get a response. I write to write. Some of my most favorite and best worked on blogs most ppl never looked at. That's how it is. However, when I get responses, whether negative or positive, I take it as me being an inspiration. I've been told I have inspired others to write and open their thoughts and express themselves. I've heard using this talent is therapy. THAT'S WHAT I DO IT FOR.
I did not want anyone arguing and bickering over my past. I am at the point in my life where I'd love to tell anyone I care about the exact truth bout me. Plus I just don't care.
Yea I've cheated, Yea I've lied, Yea I've went ham, gone violent, threatened suicide and homicide, and went totally nuts. Been called a hoe, hey I could be, but whoever thinks that STILL HAS NO COMPLAINTS. lol I'm a fool
But seriously, alot more ppl can relate to me than ya'll think. And if I'm the only one who has the guts to talk bout it, fine.
But I didn't wanna open the doors to "ALL MY BULLSHIT" lane. This was a story, all of you can believe what you want. That's the point. Every note I write you probably won't like. But unless it's in the news, I don't use names, so please respect that.
It's easy to get offended, and jump defensively to everything you think refers to you. But whoever feels it refers to you, if you feel the need to tell your side, that's the point to free speech. I love all of you, those who want me to rise, and those who want me to fall.
Oh...and as far as me and "The LaDonnas"...
Lol Me and LaDonna "Doonie" never got down. But me and LaDonna "Daykeeper" did. Happy now?

Peace ya'll

BTW...Yesterday was Michael Jackson's birthday. I really didin't want it celebrated this way, so today, everybody please be positive to make up for today's negativity. I love you all.

My Life, The Saga (part 2)...the Conclusion?

If you're reading this we can pick up where we left off. Now before I get up on her, lemme get the REST of the truth out
about him and I.
I too, was wrong, for he was still married also.Oh yea, I know. He married her at a very young age, but claimed it was over.
Oh he and I were still wrong, I knew better. But once again...ACCEPTANCE. I had alot of it at that time, especially for him.
Not to mention they hated each other and I figured even if they are still getting down, at least they play it off well enough
to not get in the way of us. Plus the divorce came shortly after, she went on to start a family and so forth.
AND...I still had not broken off my relationship with MY ex boyfriend. Nothing sexual, but we kept in contact. And that
was wrong. So don't think I'm judging this woman. I'm scandalous myself.
I had to say this again I am NOT judging this woman. I just analyze what I see...and what I saw was scandelous.
I won't go into why her and her husband were already a part of my ex's circle. But when I entered the picture it was two adult
couples hanging out. All four of us, plus friends, would attend bars, parties, and chill. I dug her in the beginning, dug her
hard. I was attracted to her, not just sexually but the whole picture. A young, attractive, mother and wife, holding down a
great career and maintaining from what I saw a perfect marriage (her husband was fine I aint gone lie). But there were things
in the dark that were being revealed very early into my relationship.
My ex, first, assured me she was a ho. Period. He may have been lying, he may have just been joking, but after awhile it became
a lil joke between the 2 of us. Our comfortability as two adult couples led to deep conversations, including those of sexual
activities; group sex, who was REALLY sleeping with who...hell within the first 4 months of the relationship I had been
approached sexually by both her and the husband.
...now why did I agree to a 3some w/her? I'll tell you why. Cuz I wanted to. 2nd, I knew he wanted to also and like I said,
I go hard for mine. So it happened.
I later find out, the worst way, that they been fucking before, during, and she confirmed most likely after, the event.
He called and told me str8 up, they been fucking, and aint shit I can do about it. After calling him back and going ham he
apologized, but his reason was for my infidelity. I took that.
Lata down the line him and I get into this checking each other phone thing. I really never did it till I found out he was
cheating, and found a couple texts telling her he loved her.OOOOkay. I approached him with it, he said it aint like that, I
made sure to throw it in his face every opportunity I had, which probably made him feel good about continuing his relation-
ship w/her. I won't lie, in a relationship I'm a handful and a half.
Unfortunately, we gotta get back to the topic, her. I eventually got over the whole thing, but that feeling never left. The feeling that it really wasn't over between them. So, w/my bad self starting becoming a lil flirt. I talked shit, kissed a chick (yea that was bad) and had a co-worker who I regularly talked to. Only once did a situation arise when I almost sexually cheated on him, but I really didn't. At this point I wish I COULD say I did, it would feel good.
But I'm being honest, and that's the truth.
Now the present, after the run in with her outside his house she approached me, again, with a sexual offer. I decided this time, I'm either gone take it, or use it to my benefit. My ultimate goal was to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. What was holding me back? I STILL loved him.
So I pretended to be interested, sending back texts, calling her, telling her it's on. All the while I'm sending the messages
to my friends, getting help w/what to tell her, I turned it into a game. See I knew he'd check her phone eventually, and at
that point I was tired. I wanted to be the one everyone's mad at. I was sick of being the one w/feelings hurt.
So, as planned, he texted me back. I told him the TRUTH. I told him exactly what I was doing, even who was in on it, and my purpose. He texted back, w/apologies, and I too, apologized. So I'm like cool, he says he gon hit me back lata.
Bout 3 in the morning I get a call. Every1 who knows me knows I keep loud, obnoxious musical ringtones. I look at the phone,
it's him. So I call back a sec lata, thinkin it must be important. No answer. So instantly I knew he was on some sneakingaround cuz she there bull, or it was her. I texted back, saying man up, WHOEVER it is, cuz I'm up now and I'm ready to settlethis shit.
What she lets me know, well, I'd rather not elaborate. I think at this point I've made my point to all readers. When you find
yourself in a fucked up situation and stay because of LOVE, make sure that same love is strong enough to hold you. I to this day love that man, yea I know...it's been so long how the hell can you still love him? And my answer is, you ain't really been in love before. Whether negative or positive, a person can spin your life on or off its axis. This man was special,
DESPISE his flaws. He knows and ONLY he knows he was the most wonderful person in the world to me. I heard thru the grapevine him and her are together, happy, and she finalized or is finalizing the divorce. I have been and continue pray for them, me and anyone else finding themselves in such a pickle.
And just like he has forgiven me, I too have forgiven him. I also owe him my life, for his actions has taught me things you'll never find in a book...
Hmm...things you'll never find in a book. Sounds like a good book title, huh?
Stay tuned...

--THE END--

My Life, The Saga (part 1)

I may be sticking my foot in my mouth on this one, but luckily I bathe my feet in mild sauce twice a day just in case something like this comes up. As all you may have noticed, I'm pretty private about my personal life when blogging, writing notes, my daily motivational texts, or just venting. I may refer to something in the 3rd or anonymous person, or just go right into advice. Either way I'm sure you all have figured out the things I write about are results of my experiences.
So I decided for this one, I'm going str8 in. There are people out there who know exactly who, when, where and what I'm referring to. What they don't know yet is why...why I'm even goin in.
I'm a person to go hard for mine. If I say I love you, you won't have to worry bout hearing it, cuz I show it. I'm hesitant to start relationships, but when younger wasn't really into random dating. We either just fucking, or serious as hell, no in between.
I've been single for approximately 3 months, nevertheless still involving myself w/my one of my exes (Note @ my friends: I have 6 people total who I consider REAL exes.It may not be who YOU think it is) I was still in love, and still really hadn't left my comfort zone w/him. Now sure, I finally was starting to date around, but it was what it was. For a split second now and then I found myself reconsidering planning a future w/this man.
Now b4 I go in, lemme put on record that my ex-boyfriend is one of the most intelligent, talented, funniest, coolest, sexiest Black men I've ever met. He played a huge role in where I am right now and I would be a troll to not honor him for who he is and what he's done for me.
But that doesn't excuse his behavior.
While dating me he was involved w/another woman. At first I kinda guessed it, then knew it, then found out therefore knew for sure, basically accepted it, moved on, then started sensing it again. I don't take my intuition to court as evidence, but in life, when it's strong, I'm usually right.
Apparently they have been deeply involved for a very long time; before, during, and after our run. Of course I was mad, and even went through the leaving him and coming back runaround. Eventually it got to the point where we were like fuck it. We'll see each other whenever, and have a good, solid 24 hours of great times. Then we may never hear from each other for a few days.I was cool with the system, when I really got over him as a serious boyfriend, it was nice to see him every once in a
while and still have my life. I don't regret my relationship w/him. I still love him. But my dedication to making a future held me down in many ways.
So one weekend we go out to a bar. the bar sucked but the time itself was really nice. Him and I dipped from the bar, hit a bench in the park, and just made each other laugh. It happened to be freezing that night, and near the lake is NO JOKE!! But what I also remember is that was the best time I had in a while. That week sucked! My money wasn't right, I was trying to get a job back, shit was just hitting the fan! So even though the bar sucked, our moment was really all I needed...
...until 2 days later.
I decided to surprise him so i stopped by his crib. He told me he would be outta town for a day or 2 so I figured he'd just gotten back, if he was. Rang the doorbell, no answer. As I walk away, out runs his lady friend.
Oh boy.
She informs me he's upstairs and just doesn't want to come down.
OH BOY.
I tell her I don't know why, I just wanted to smoke and say hey. I was on my way home anyway (at that time we happened to live near each other). She goes in head first about why she dunno why he's hiding, we all know what it is. I told her I had no idea they were STILL messing around, simply cuz him and I were at the point of friends and I wouldn't have cared either way. And I'm the type of
female who can really take that information calmly.
Her whole expression drops. She tried playin it off but after me damn near breaking his doorbell he finally comes down and her attention goes str8 to him. First thing I noticed was how angry she was that he was still chillin w/me. I didn't understand why. You know why I didn't understand why?
1.SHE'S MARRIED. Fuck all that bout to get divorced shit. LEGALLY SPEAKING your spouse can get you for everything you got if there's proof of infidelity at the time of divorce.
2.SHE'S A MOTHER. She already has 2 reasons to not be scandalous, and that's not including the husband. Children are the most absorbent creations since sponges. They learn sooooo much faster from observation than the traditional "Do as I say not as I do" approach.
And w/both of those facts, I feel this way: If you ALREADY doing bad, how you gon get mad at someone else doing the same?
I'll tell you how! When you're in love, none of that matters.
Oh don't get me wrong, family and reputation do take a strong position in what matters. But once you make the decision to do even a little wrong, expect wrong!
Lemme continue, so she's getting mad at him, all the while he's denying even TALKING to me w/in the past 3 months. Oh yea. He went there. Even told me get off his property. So you know I was goin ham. But INSIDE, I had already figured it out.
There I was, standing in the middle of love.
And didn't even know it! Lol I'm thinking his biggest focus was trying to get me back, like he had been saying lol. When all
along they planning divorces and futures together. I aint even know they were still talking!!!
Lol so yea, I was caught off guard, but it taught me a very important lesson very early in life. You can give people 2nd chances, even 3rd and 4th. But if you see the same result pattern of these chances given, well, chances are they not bout to really change for you. I repeat, CHANGE FOR YOU.
He was making changes with and for her, simply cuz he had no choice. She was married, she had something to go back to, something worth saving. He had to really show her he was worth making that move.
But with me, he really didn't have to do much. Oh it seemed like much, but it was really what he had been doing all along. Lying a little, apologizing alot, but making me feel sooooo damn good the whole way.
SO what ultimately happened? Lol that comes in part 2...
But as for him and I, we haven't spoken since. I thought it was time for us to separate permanently anyway. Enough damage had been done plus he had enough on his plate as it is. I was just getting started on my meal, and I wanted a fresh, new entree. Feel me?
I wrote this to send everyone a message. The crazy shit you THINK you goin through happens to everyone. But people, if you gon do dirty, keep it clean. I pray for both him and her, and if they are now together and happy that's the best thing.
But finding your ultimate happiness at the expense of others is WRONG. There was a husband, children, and a young woman (me) who had to be/are going to be victims, if even for a little while, cuz an extra nut needed to get busted...
Like I said before, there is a part two. And because she was a pretty scandalous person, it's a pretty scandalous conclusion.
Hopefully you'll stay tuned to find out.
Peace

Survey says...Disaster!!

Just a random vent before I go to work...
I'm watching Family Feud right now, and the subject was "Things you associate with New Orleans."
Oh boy.
I jumped out the shower just to see just how these people would answer.
The Stella family won that round, hands down. Problem was the reaction to the answers. the first one wrong, then the next 2 correct. The first answer was "The Big Easy."
Then came "Gumbo."
I'm holding my breath so hard I'm bout blue. Well, black blue. Whatever
Then came "The big easy." Of course it was correct.
Then came Mike Stella. He bites his nails, gets a few nods from the fam, and screams out "Hurricane Katrina!"
"....Correct! The Stella family takes the board and when we return..."
Okay I know it's just a game, I know I know. And Hurricane Katrina is now a part of history so it will come up on game show topics. But the actual tragedy has not ended down in NO and people STILL are homeless without assistand. So it's hard watching people cheer cuz all of America agrees that when you think of New Orleans you think of gumbo, Big Easy, and HURRICANE KATRINA.
You remember that game in grammar school, which one doesn't fit? You see an apple, an orange, a banana and a shoe. You already know which one doesn't belong. It sucks that such a tragedy has not been resolved, just left alone so long that now, gumbo is the orange, Big Easy is the apple, and Hurricane Katrina is the banana. Which object doesn't belong? The object of humanity. Justice has STILL not been served to New Orleans. God Bless all those still in need.
Oh, and congrats to the Stella family. I think they made it on to the final round.