So over the weekend my high school partner in crime hit me up on some serious shit. He's a Black man who has decided to date outside his race. This is taken from a Facebook chat session. I was given permission 2 cut n paste so shut up!
I asked him if I could blog this cuz this is and always will be an unfinished issue. Warning,this is pretty long but u might learn sumtin. I know I did.
Me:Like I said b4,there are a ton of circumstances. However I still feel that Black men who date outside their race have a disconnect from their culture. My stance is the more you love your culture,the more you'll desire a woman of that culture.
Him: Ok and you know I understand your stance on that one and don't get me wrong as you know I'm truly involved and always learning more and more about our culture. And I also love our black women, but the problem that I see alot coming from black women in our generation is the lack of encouragement that they give to our black men. Especially the good ones, at times it seems as if not only are they discouraging but they talk down to our black men which in part leads alot of the good ones to look to other races for that support.
Me: I feel u on that,I do notice alot of Black men who try hard as hell but still get the short end of the bitch stick from Black women. In some cases, women are RAISED to hate men
HOWEVER
I date Black men all the time,and my issues is they act like they're owed sumtin simply cuz there's a lack of good black men out there. Alot expect me to hop in2 relationships or be their next baby mamma.
Some Black men are just downright spoiled; raised by just a woman,so they expect everything from THEIR woman.
Him: Ok I that I see a lot out their too but those aren't the ones that I truly consider the good black men. Good black men know how to treat their women like the queens that they are and don't look put off that vibe of feeling like our black women owe them something.
Actually those the type of dudes I think in part make black women, some of them, act the way that they act now
As if we have to show them something, if you get what I'm saying, instead of actually staying behind their man and helping them achieve something great. As you know behind every great man there is a great woman and sometimes our women need to realize that what we need is encouragement to help us achieve that true greatness
Me: I see what u sayin but what we call a "good black man" has changed and adapted to what Black women require
And not to blame the media but let's be real,it's exotic n exciting and almost historically endearing that a black man date outside his race. Therefore over time men have slowly but surely started improving themselves to attract all women,not just BLACK women. But Black women are raised to attract the black man. So it's not really a 2 way street
Him: It really isn't a 2 way street and yes the media has pretty much put it out there that its ok that black men date women outside their race. We see it all the time from our athletes, celebrities, civil rights activists, pretty much everywhere.
The question though to me comes down to is why. And at the moment I'm seeing first hand why black men just decide to go outside their own race
Me: I feel like this,many black men give up too easily. To switch to another race due to lack of support is lazy to me,understandable,but lazy. Black men should set standards for the women they date and never go back on them. there are black women, TOO MANY black women willing to go the extra 10 miles a black man, but her ass aint big enuff...
or her hair aint done,she bitch too much
...blah blah blah
Him: lol
I understand that sometimes we give up way to easy I see that happening alot but that encouraging and standing behind your man is, to me, one of the most important qualities that a women should have and it seems that when I come across black women most don't posses that quality
Me: and yes as black women we do request alot,but it's cuz alot of black men refuse to acknowledge all we do AND all we're expected to do. These niggas want a 5 star chick when they dont meet the standards of a 3 star mistake. THEN some Black women just feed in2 it by takin on the "hot girl" persona for a nigga who KNOW HE AINT SHIT
Him: True and that's why I said before that blame doesn't just fall only on our black women
Me: It's def a catch 22,cuz that's what both black men AND women want from each other,support.So if we both want the same thing,why can't we just support each other,call it a day? WHY? Cuz black ppl are always too prideful about the WRONG SHIT.
Him: Alot has to do with those no good ass niggas that keep hurting our good black women
Me: And these no good hoes making good black women look like...hoes lol.
Him: lol they truly are, but to go back to the question and point of us being to prideful and why we can't support each other it just seems that the good ones don't want to put themselves out there and actually fully support someone because they're just afraid to get burned again.
Me:I feel that I feel that, but where in that void of insecurity is there room for a white woman? What makes a woman of a different race more eligible to receive that full support and love from a black man?
Him: Well cuz from what I'm experiencing first hand I can see that the woman that I'm getting to know is just alot more positive, more encouraging, more willing to stand behind at the time when you are working your way to trying to establish something. Just pretty much always trying to help me realize that I can keep on going and achieve all the goals and then some that I want to achieve
When on the other hand with black women they want you to already be pretty much rich or at the place in your life where you truly are making all the money that you want, and sometimes just fail to realize that what a man with ambitions and dreams really needs is that extra special someone to push them over the top to achieve that.
Me: and that's all good. I'm w/that, whoever supports u,support them. But my thing is,is that the answer? Ur a good dude,u've looked 4 good black women,and couldn't. Imagine all the other brothas w/that same story and all the GOOD sistas missin out cuz of it?
Him: I be imagining it and that's why I was so torn on actually trying to make the decision on whether I should look elsewhere for that support cuz like I said I LOVE our black women. Love to death but it's just hard, real real hard to find one that has their priorities in order
Me: i understand
so when u do meet black women w/their shit in order, what happens? Where's the disconnect?
Him:But you know at the moment I have to make another move so I want to go farther into this conversation, mainly because I want to get into the different things, especially on the media side that our black men and artists out there can do to help build up our black women and not treat them or display them as hoes but I'm go ahead and answer that last question
Me: it's all good,we can pick up i got this all saved
Him: Honestly I only met one black woman that had her shit in order and it was just remarkable the only problem that came along was that our goals in life had a disconnect and where we wanted to end up and live as in one person wanted to move overseas cuz that's where they felt like they were called while the other wanted to do work in the states and help out the people in the black communities
Me: Oh i c
Him: So we just felt it was best to just part ways cuz it would've been extremely hard to make that work one being stateside while the other was overseas
The convo cut off,we will be picking this back up. But it's enough for ya'll to let marinate. What do u think? Do u agree w/me,or Him? Or do u have a totally different stance? Hit me back!
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